4 Steps from Breakup to Breakthough

Let’s face it: going through a breakup can be ROUGH.

Although we can all agree they are not fun, trust me, there is a way to get through them AND be even stronger. Of course, every breakup is unique and healing your heart will take time, but in today’s episode, I am giving you 4 steps that are particularly helpful in moving from breakup TO breakthrough, as quickly and gracefully as possible.

4 Steps from Breakup to Breakthrough:

  1. Willingness to the rescue- When you’re going through a breakup, I know it can be super difficult to truly wish the other person happiness and love (especially if you were the one who ended up heartbroken). The good news is, you don’t have to be ready to 100% ready, all you have to do is be willing. The spiritual textbook A Course in Miracles teaches that our simple willingness to choose love and see things differently is all it takes to activate the true healing we are seeking. We don’t have to know how we will let go, we just have to be willing to see things differently.
  2. Embrace the suck- To all the eternal optimist out there, always looking for the good in every situation: I love you. I also know that even though there’s something good in most situations, when it comes to breakups, there’s a whole lot of sucky, painful emotion covering it up. It’s completely okay and (even essential) to let yourself embrace the sucky-ness of the situation. The emotions that come up during a breakup– sadness, disappointment, regret, guilt, insecurity– are all there to show us where we can begin to heal our hearts and love ourselves more. If we are too quick to put a positive spin on it, we might miss the important messages our emotions are trying to send us. Let yourself feel everything that is coming up for you and be patient with yourself during the process.
    DISCLAIMER: Do not– I repeat– do NOT reach out to your ex to share your feelings. Do not vent all over social media; instead, talk to trusted friends, journal what you are feeling, go for a run, work with a coach or counselor to help you get to the bottom of what’s going on so you can learn and move on with more knowledge and insight.
  3. Mind your own business– Here’s the deal: what your ex is doing, who he is doing it with and how he is doing are NONE of your business. You’re only responsibility is making sure you are taking care of yourself and rediscovering what you want out of life. This means no stalking them on social media, no “accidentally” running into them at the coffee shop that happens to be right by their work and no prying for information in conversations with mutual friends. This also means you may have to tell well-intending friends that you don’t want to hear about when/if they see your ex. Politely let them know you are focusing all of your attention on you and would appreciate them keeping any information they may know to themselves. Let them go! Focus on you and your own healing. You have got exciting things ahead (Pinky promise).
  4. Let your success be your revenge- There will be things that happen in life you can not control. What you do get to control is your response: are they are happening to you or happening FOR you? Regardless of the specifics of your breakup, I highly encourage you to choose the latter. The silver lining about breakups is that it gets to be all about you. Ask yourself, “what do I truly want?” Maybe there’s a dream you’ve always wanted to pursue, a country you’ve always wanted to visit or something you’ve always wanted to create that never could have happened had your relationship stayed exactly how it was. Decide what it is you want to create and go after it 100,000%.

Don’t get mad… don’t get even… get busy creating the life of your dreams and I promise, in time, your heart will heal and you will see that even the painful breakups make sense. 

I know that healing from a breakup isn’t usually as simple as step 1,2,3,4, but I know from experience that these steps will go a long way in helping you get through your breakup, with grace, and ultimately lead to your breakthrough.

The best is yet to come,


PS: If you are currently going through a breakup or still working through the pain of past relationships, I would love to support you in healing your heart, rediscovering your dreams and making them happen. If you’d like to learn more about how I can help you get to your breakthrough, email me at katie@fairytalereform.com.