Whether the relationship is romantic, platonic or professional, interacting with another person who has their own set of beliefs, values and ideas can be a challenge. With social media surrounding us, it can be difficult to slow down long enough to identify how we feel about different situations and express those feelings in a helpful way.
Learning to work with people and communicate well in relationships will always take time, but I have found that the practice of mindfulness can help us slow down, understand what is going on with our thoughts and feelings and respond in the most supportive way.
I could go on and on about the benefits of mindfulness (and I definitely will! Stay tuned), but today’s episode is an intro to mindfulness, what it is and how it can help. Check it out!
Stay tuned for more information about how to create a mindful relationship and please join us live in Tulsa, OK for a workshop all about mindful relationships, coming late July. More details coming soon!
Anytime you start dating, you open your heart to someone new and run the risk of getting hurt–or hurting someone else. I’m sure we all wish we could way eliminate the chance of heartbreak, but unfortunately, it’s just par for the course.
Although we may not be able to eliminate the risk that comes with falling in love, we can do our best to date with integrity and lay the foundation for a healthy relationship.
In this episode, I give three tips to make sure you are entering (and leaving) all romantic relationships with the utmost integrity. Check out the video and tips below!
Three Steps to Dating with Integrity:
1. Be honest with yourself
Many people get into romantic relationships before they have taken time to clarify what they are looking for. I get it– our culture is constantly encouraging us to couple up, whether we are ready for it or not. However, entering into a dating experience without being honest with ourselves about what we are really looking for increases the chance of someone getting hurt.
We will not know 100% of what we want until we are in a relationship, but there are some major questions to consider before you get to that point. Some questions to consider are: Am I looking for a committed relationship? Have I healed enough from my past to be able to give my heart again? Are there any deal breakers I need to be aware of?
I highly recommend considering the commitments you are making to yourself before you consider committing to a relationship (for more info on that, check out this episode).
2. Be Honest with Others
Once we have gotten real with ourselves about what we are looking for, it is our responsibility to be honest with the people in our lives about where we stand– especially if the relationship isn’t working. It can be uncomfortable to say we don’t see the relationship going any further, but being direct and honest is the most respectful way to end a dating experience. In recent years, the term “ghosting” has become pretty popular. “Ghosting” is when you’re consistently going out with or talking to someone when suddenly, they vanish with no explanation. Ghosting someone you just started seeing can be tempting because it’s a way to avoid confrontation– it’s also avoiding responsibility for your role in the dating process.If you’re old enough to date, you are old enough to own your feelings and express them honestly.
Another reason people stay in relationships that aren’t working is out of fear of missing the person or being lonely. Here’s the deal: You will miss them… that’s ok. You might be lonely… that’s ok too, but neither of these are reasons to lead someone on when you can’t give them what they need. Have the courage to walk away even if it means being temporarily lonely or single.
3. When you mess up, say “I’m sorry”.
Romantic relationships will always be a process of trial and error. We are all human and from time to time, we will act in ways we are not proud of, unintentionally hurt others and fail to date with integrity. When this happens, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, learn from what happened and when possible, sincerely apologize to the person you wronged. The words, “I’m sorry”, don’t fix it all, but take it from someone who has been on both sides of the phrase, a sincere apology goes a long way in helping someone with their healing process. On the flip side, when someone hurts you, be quick to forgive. We are all doing the best we can, so the quicker we can forgive, the quicker we free ourselves up to move on and find a love that will last.
Love will always come with risk, but by doing our best to date with integrity, we stand a much better chance of protecting our own hearts and others.
Now, I wanna hear from YOU. What are some of your best tips for dating with integrity? Leave your tips in the comments below!
Welcome to Spring everyone! The birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming and in the United States, it’s wedding season; this season couples all across the country will vow to spend the rest of their lives together.
In the spirit of wedding season, in today’s episode, we will be talking about a different set of vows that are so important for a healthy relationship: the vows you make to yourself.
Whether we realize it or not, we make vows all the time. Whether it’s vowing to be a good employee, good student, good tenant to a landlord or most famously, to a significant other at the end of aisle, we are constantly making promises. These promises we make to other people are important, but there is no one more deserving of having your personal commitment than YOU.
Check out the video and post below for the 3 Steps to Making Vows to Yourself:
1. Define Your Vows
Ok, so when I say vows, I am not talking about trivial issues like, “I vow to never date someone who won’t watch a Chick Flick”, I’m talking about solid, unwavering promises you make to yourself so you know you’ve got your back no matter what, or who, comes along. Here are a few vows to consider: “I vow to love and respect myself, no matter what”, “I vow to not give up my dreams and life, every time a new potential partner comes a long”, “I vow to trust my own intuition over someone else’s promises”. If you have a religion or belief system that is really important to you, be sure to consider those values when you make your vows.
2. Have a Vow Ceremony
This “ceremony” can be as simple or as elaborate as you would like. If you like to keep it simple, just writing down your vows is enough, but I highly recommend you write them down the old fashion way: a pen and paper. Many studies have shown that people who write down their goals are more likely to remember them and to follow through. Now, if you’re like me and you like a little more ritual, then make a ceremony of if! Light a candle, grab your favorite journal, write down your vows and then say them to yourself. I know it may sound a little cheesy, but this simple act of hearing your own voice, assuring yourself that you’re there for you no matter what is so powerful.
3. Stick to Your Vows
This step is the most important. Once you’ve made these commitments to yourself, it is time to follow through. Here’s where these vows become so important: if you’ve vowed to love and respect yourself, no matter what, you’re not going to stay in a relationship (or even get into one) where the person is not treating you with love and respect. If you’ve vows to not throw your dreams out the window the next time someone cute comes along, you won’t be quick to dive in and give up your whole life.
Thinking about your personal vows is always a great exercise, but I especially recommend it after a break up, before you start dating again. Know what you are promising yourself and follow through no matter who or what comes a long.
The commitments you are making to yourself now are truly the foundation for the loving, healthy relationship you will have in the future.
Now I want to hear from YOU! What are some of the vows you are making to yourself? What do you think is the most important promise we can remember throughout the dating process? Let me know in the comment below.
It’s really not. If it were about me I’d build a business I could be good at, make some good money and not have to deal with all this vulnerability stuff (yuck). Instead, I started Fairytale Reform and use my experiences to help people with romantic relationships.
People ask me all the time, “So what inspired you to help people on romantic relationships?” Well people, I’ll tell you this: it’s definitely not because I’ve always had smooth sailing, flawless relationships, tons of self-confidence and an innate understanding of romance. In fact, the exact opposite is closer to true; for years I struggled with relationships and my self-worth was so dependent on what others (guys in particular) thought of me. I’ve had my heart broken, my ego bruised and felt so desperate for acceptance that I doubted whether I would ever feel complete. I couldn’t have been more confused about who I was or what I wanted out of life or love.
Now before you hand over your sympathy for all the romantic tragedies I’ve endured, I must confess: I’m not that innocent. Over the years, I’ve also caused my fair share of heartbreaks and created pointless drama with really great guys who probably had no idea what happened. Out of my own insecurities, I’ve made mistakes and treated people the exact opposite of how I would hope to be treated. I’ve experienced just as much anger and disappointment towards myself as I ever have towards any other wrong doing that’s been done to me (and let me tell you, being angry and disappointed with yourself is not a fun place to be).
What happened between the moments of desperation I felt years ago and where I am now wasn’t a miraculous moment of clarity when I suddenly knew I was worthy of love and had the capacity to be in a healthy, loving relationship.
Instead, it was countless subtle shifts that each led me a little closer to knowing the truth about love– it really does start within myself.
It was countless moments of choosing to love myself fiercely.
It was countless moments of choosing to not be the victim of ANY relationship situation I’ve gone through; instead excepting 100% of my half of the relationship and choosing to do a little better next time.
It was countless subtle shifts of choosing to forgive others– they are human too and truly doing they best they can.
It’s been countless moments of observing when I still feel desperate for approval and instead of running to a guy, turning to the divine, myself and to my friends who love me no matter what.
It’s been countless times of boarding the dating crazy train and quickly remembering that’s not the route I take anymore– love doesn’t have to equal gut wrenching pain and drama.
I’m far from perfect. My heart is still fragile from a painful breakup (and possibly all the breakups before that never fully healed) and I have moments where I feel lost. From time to time, I still catch myself thinking that if I could just “find the right guy” it would all be ok and I still have moments where I find myself attaching to what others thing of me. But the difference is that these moments are fewer and further between and are quickly being replaced with more moments of gratitude for all the lessons I’ve learned and the people who taught me. The moments of insecurity are less intense and I realize that although I feel them, they donot define me. I’m healing, loving, forgiving and hoping. I know all my experiences have equipped me to serve those who I know are feeling exactly how I once felt.
Telling the truth of my own struggles is a scary thing, but I have no interest in presenting some ideal of perfection that does not exist. Presenting the image that I “have it all figured out” would be a huge disservice to those who need my transparency, truth and story.
So no, it’s not about me: it’s about you. The “you” who needs to hear that I’ve been there too; the “you” who needs to hear there is an answer to the desperation you might be feeling; the “you” who needs to know how deserving you are of love, forgiveness and happiness.
I’m not a life-coach and a speaker because I’m perfect. I’m a life-coach and speaker because I’ve realized that even in my imperfection I’m so deserving of love, from others, but most importantly from myself; it is my divine calling and sacred responsibility to courageously show up and through my authenticity, guide others in loving themselves a little more each day, countless subtle shifts at a time.
My heart is still beaming from the first ever Fairytale Reform live event, Be My Galentine!
Inspired by Amy Poehler’s character on Parks and Recreation, we decided to do our very own version of Galentine’s Day. We met at the exceptional boutique, MODERN MESS in The Boxyard to enjoy deliciously festive cookies, after hours shopping and conversation. We talked about dating, friendships and how to have a life, filled with love, regardless of what your current relationship status.
As I reflected on the event, I’ve realized one of the best ways to feel truly feel loved, whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not, is this:
Create experiences that inspire you with people you love.
That evening and on the Valentine’s Day that followed, my heart was overflowing with so much love from the genuine connections we made, the inspiring people I met and the realization that this dream that’s been in my heart for so long is truly happening.
This event and the wonderful people who made it possible made this Galentine’s Day (and Valentine’s) one I will always cherish. Check out the gallery below from our talented Galentine photographer Brittany Wester…
We were also able to raise money for CURA for the World, a non-profit providing medical care to the most vulnerable, locally and globally. Their trip to Uganda this Summer will be life changing and we are happy to play a part in the difference they make.
Special thanks to KOTV- News on 6 for their surprise appearance and wonderful coverage! In case you missed it, check it out…
This is the first of many live events from Fairytale Reform! If you’re interested in learning more, be sure to subscribe to our newsletter and we will keep you posted.