About me: it’s not.

It’s really not. If it were about me I’d build a business I could be good at, make some good money and not have to deal with all this vulnerability stuff (yuck). Instead, I started Fairytale Reform and use my experiences to help people with romantic relationships.

People ask me all the time, “So what inspired you to help people on romantic relationships?” Well people, I’ll tell you this: it’s definitely not because I’ve always had smooth sailing, flawless relationships, tons of self-confidence and an innate understanding of romance. In fact, the exact opposite is closer to true; for years I struggled with relationships and my self-worth was so dependent on what others (guys in particular) thought of me. I’ve had my heart broken, my ego bruised and felt so desperate for acceptance that I doubted whether I would ever feel complete. I couldn’t have been more confused about who I was or what I wanted out of life or love.

Now before you hand over your sympathy for all the romantic tragedies I’ve endured, I must confess: I’m not that innocent. Over the years, I’ve also caused my fair share of heartbreaks and created pointless drama with really great guys who probably had no idea what happened. Out of my own insecurities, I’ve made mistakes and treated people the exact opposite of how I would hope to be treated. I’ve experienced just as much anger and disappointment towards myself as I ever have towards any other wrong doing that’s been done to me (and let me tell you, being angry and disappointed with yourself is not a fun place to be).

What happened between the moments of desperation I felt years ago and where I am now wasn’t a miraculous moment of clarity when I suddenly knew I was worthy of love and had the capacity to be in a healthy, loving relationship.

Instead, it was countless subtle shifts that each led me a little closer to knowing the truth about love– it really does start within myself.

  • It was countless moments of choosing to love myself fiercely.
  • It was countless moments of choosing to not be the victim of ANY relationship situation I’ve gone through; instead excepting 100% of my half of the relationship and choosing to do a little better next time.
  • It was countless subtle shifts of choosing to forgive others– they are human too and truly doing they best they can.
  • It’s been countless moments of observing when I still feel desperate for approval and instead of running to a guy, turning to the divine, myself and to my friends who love me no matter what.
  • It’s been countless times of boarding the dating crazy train and quickly remembering that’s not the route I take anymore– love doesn’t have to equal gut wrenching pain and drama. 

I’m far from perfect. My heart is still fragile from a painful breakup (and possibly all the breakups before that never fully healed) and I have moments where I feel lost. From time to time, I still catch myself thinking that if I could just “find the right guy” it would all be ok and I still have moments where I find myself attaching to what others thing of me. But the difference is that these moments are fewer and further between and are quickly being replaced with more moments of gratitude for all the lessons I’ve learned and the people who taught me. The moments of insecurity are less intense and I realize that although I feel them, they do not define me. I’m healing, loving, forgiving and hoping. I know all my experiences have equipped me to serve those who I know are feeling exactly how I once felt.

Telling the truth of my own struggles is a scary thing, but I have no interest in presenting some ideal of perfection that does not exist. Presenting the image that I “have it all figured out” would be a huge disservice to those who need my transparency, truth and story.

So no, it’s not about me: it’s about you. The “you” who needs to hear that I’ve been there too; the “you” who needs to hear there is an answer to the desperation you might be feeling; the “you” who needs to know how deserving you are of love, forgiveness and happiness.

I’m not a life-coach and a speaker because I’m perfect. I’m a life-coach and speaker because I’ve realized that even in my imperfection I’m so deserving of love, from others, but most importantly from myself; it is my divine calling and sacred responsibility to courageously show up and through my authenticity, guide others in loving themselves a little more each day, countless subtle shifts at a time.

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